nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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