She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
false alarm. still invincible.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
