I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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