if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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