you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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