I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
NoShamevember. You game?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
