Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he fucked my hip out of place.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
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