If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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