TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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