did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
