Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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