My first STD was from a foam party
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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