i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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