i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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