I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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