Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
