My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
