woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize