i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
