Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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