Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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