im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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