if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There are leaves in my underwear?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
