why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
