Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I supernannyed him into submission
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
