Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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