My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
