So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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