i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
