she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
