spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
