I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
