I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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