She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
