Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
