this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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