dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize