do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Hippo gnu deer
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
