So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
