her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Everclear isn't food dammit
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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