I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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