I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
