you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
