i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
