Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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