I can tuck mytits in my pants
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
