Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

his personality makes his face look like an asshole.

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(636): View more from Missouri

My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.

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(212): View more from New York

The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.

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(317): View more from Indiana

The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.

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(330): View more from Ohio

No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.

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(309): View more from Illinois

I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.

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(510): View more from California

the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros

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