It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
