The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
