oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
