its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
