mondays should just be called national damage control day
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
