Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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