im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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