her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
