I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
