just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
