either way he was missing a nipple.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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