True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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