With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
