I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
