I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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