I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
