Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
