he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i think i have two assholes
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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