Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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