I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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