I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
