It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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