there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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