Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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