My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
