Tell her she can't have a vagina
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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