Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
