I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
