then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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