batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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