You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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