This beer is not sobering me up at all
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize