This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i dont even know how to be here
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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