Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
