My liver just broke up with me...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
