She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
