There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
