One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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