Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
