We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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