Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
