can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
