i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Your cock deserves a montage
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
