Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
