Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
