I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
