i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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