All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
