I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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