I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
