Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
