I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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