I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
