So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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