This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
