Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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